By Isaac Marion
I am a zombie, and it's not so bad.
I'm learning to live with it. I'm sorry I can't properly introduce myself,
but I don't have a name anymore. Hardly any of us do. We forget them, like
anniversaries and PIN numbers. I think mine might have started with a "T",
but I'm not sure. It's funny, because back when I was alive, I was always
forgetting other people's names. I am finding that irony abounds in
the zombie life, an ever-present punch line. But it's hard to smile when
your lips have rotted off.
Before I became a zombie, I think I
was a businessman or young professional of some kind. I think I worked in
one of those stifling office jobs in a highrise somewhere. The clothes
clinging to the remains of my body are high-quality business-casual. Fine
gabardine slacks, silvery silk shirt, red Armani power tie. I would
probably look pretty sharp if my intestines weren't dragging at my feet.
We like to joke and speculate about
our remaining outfits, since these final fashion choices are usually the
only indication of who we were before we became no-one. Some people's are
less obvious than mine. Jeans and a white t-shirt. Skirt and a tanktop. So
we make random guesses.
You were a plumber. You were a
barista. Ring any bells?
It usually doesn't.
No one I know has any specific
memories. We recognize some things — buildings, cars, ties — but
context eludes us. We are here, we do what we do. We lack excellent
diction, but we can communicate. We grunt and groan, we make hand
gestures, and sometimes a few words slip out. It's not that different from
There are a few hundred of us living
in a wide plain of dust outside some large city. We don't need shelter or
warmth, obviously. We stand around in the dust, and time passes. I think
we've been here for a long time. Despite my dragging entrails, I am in
decay's early stages, but there are a few elderly ones here who are little
more than skeletons with clinging bits of muscle. Somehow, it still
extends and contracts, and they keep moving. I have never seen any of us
"die" of old age. Maybe we live forever, I don't know. I don't think much
about the future anymore. That's something that's very different from
before. When I was alive, the future was all I thought about. Obsessed
about. Death has relaxed me.
But it makes me sad that we've
forgotten our names. Out of everything, this seems to me the most tragic.
I don't miss my own, but I mourn for everyone else's, because I want to
love them, but I don't know who they are.
Today a group of us are going into
town to find some food. How this expedition begins is one of us gets
hungry and starts shuffling toward town, and a few others follow him.
Focused thought is a rare occurrence with us, and we follow it when we see
it. Otherwise we would just be standing around groaning. We do a lot of
standing around groaning, and it's frustrating sometimes. Years pass this
way. The flesh withers on our bones, and we stand around, waiting for it.
I am curious how old I might be.
The city where the people live is not
that far. We arrive around noon and start looking for living flesh. The
new kind of hunger is a strange feeling. You don't feel it in your stomach
- of course not, since some of us don't even have stomachs. You feel it
just...everywhere. You start to feel "more dead". I've watched some of my
friends go back to being full-dead, when food is scarce. They just slow
down, and stop, and become corpses again. I don't really understand it.
I guess the world has mostly ended,
because the cities we wander through are decaying as fast as we are.
Buildings are collapsed. Dead, rusted cars fill the streets. All glass
everywhere is shattered. I don't know if there was a war, or a plague, or
if it was just us. Maybe it was all three. I don't know. I don't think
about things like that anymore.
In a cluster of broken down apartment
buildings we find some people, and we eat them. Some of them have weapons,
and as usual we lose some of our number, but we don't care. Why would we
care? What's death, now?
Eating is not a pleasant business. I
chew off a man's arm, and I hate this, it's disgusting. I hate his
screams, because I don't like pain, I don't like to hurt things, but this
is the world now, this is what we do. Of course, if I don't eat all of
him, if I leave enough, he'll rise up and follow me back to our dusty
field outside the city, and that might make me feel better. I'll introduce
him to everyone, and maybe we'll stand around and groan for a while. It's
hard to say what "friends" are anymore, but maybe that's close. If I don't
eat all of him, if I leave enough...
But of course I don't leave enough. I
eat his brain, because that's the good part. That's the part that, when I
swallow it, makes my head light up with feelings. Clear memories. For
about three to ten seconds, depending on the person, I get to feel alive.
I get traces of delicious meals, beautiful music, perfume, sunsets,
orgasms, life. Then it fades, and I get up and stumble out of the
city, still dead, but feeling a little less so. Feeling ok.
I don't know why we have to eat
people. I don't understand what chewing off a man's neck accomplishes. We
certainly don't digest the meat and absorb the nutrients. My stomach is a
rotted bag of dried bile, useless. We don't digest, we just eat until the
weight forces it out our ass holes, and then we eat more. It feels so
useless, and yet it keeps us walking. I don't know why. None of us really
understand why we are the way we are. We don't know if we're the result of
some kind of global infection, or some ancient curse, or something even
more senseless. We don't talk about it much. Existential debate is not a
major part of zombie life. We are here, and we do things. We are simple.
It's nice sometimes.
Outside the city again, back with the
others in the dust field, I start walking in a circle for no reason. I
plant one foot in the dirt and pivot on it, around and around, kicking up
clouds of dust. Before, when I was alive, I could never have done this. I
remember stress. I remember bills and deadlines, Asset Retention Reports.
I remember being so occupied, so always, everywhere, all the time occupied.
Now I'm just standing in a wide-open field of dust, walking in a circle.
The world has been distilled. Being dead is easy.
After a few days of this, I stop
walking, and I stand still, swaying back and forth and groaning a little.
I don't know why I groan. I'm not in pain, and I'm not sad. I think it's
just air being squeezed in and out of my lungs. When my lungs decompose,
it will probably stop. And now, while swaying and groaning, I notice a
dead woman standing a few feet away from me, facing the distant mountains.
She doesn't sway or groan, her head just lolls from side to side. I like
that about her, that she doesn't sway or groan. I walk over and stand
beside her. I wheeze some kind of greeting, and she responds with a lurch
of her shoulder.
I like her. I reach out and touch her
hair. She has not been dead very long. Her skin is grey and her eyes
slightly sunken, but she has no exposed bones or organs. Her death outfit
is a black skirt and a snug white button-up. I suspect she used to be a
Pinned to her chest is a silver
I can read her name. She has a name.
Her name is Emily.
I point to her chest. Slowly, with
great effort, I say, "Em..ily." The word rolls off what's left of
my tongue like honey. What a good name. I feel warm saying it.
Emily's cloudy eyes widen at the
sound, and she smiles. I also smile, and then maybe I'm a little nervous
because my femur snaps and I fall backwards into the dust. Emily just
laughs, and it's a choked, raw, lovely sound. She reaches down and helps
me to my feet.
Emily and I have fallen in love.
I'm not sure how this happens. I
remember what love was like before, and this is different. This is
simpler. Before, there were complex emotional and biological factors at
work. We had long checklists and elaborate tests to be passed. We looked
at hairstyles and careers and breast sizes. And sex was there, in
everything, confusing everyone, like hunger. It created longing, it
created ambition, competition, it drove people to leave their houses and
invent automobiles, space craft, and atom bombs when they could instead
just sit on the couch until they died. Animal cravings. Subconscious
urges. Sex made the world go ‘round.
This is all gone now. Sex, once a
force as universal as gravity, is now irrelevant. Ambition and longing
have left the equation. My penis fell off two weeks ago.
So the equation is deleted, the
blackboard erased, and things are different now. Our actions have no
ulterior motives. We shuffle around in the dust and occasionally have
lumbering, grunted exchanges with our peers. No one argues. There are no
And Emily is not a complicated
process. I just see her, and walk over to her, and for no reason, really,
I decide I want to be with her for a long time. So now we shuffle around
in the dust together instead of alone. For whatever reason, we
enjoy each other's company. When we have to go into town to eat people, we
do it at separate times, because it's unpleasant, and we don't want to
share that. But we share everything else, and it's nice.
We decide to walk to the mountains. It
takes us three days, but now we are standing on a cliff looking up at a
fat white moon. At our backs, the night sky is red from distant cities
burning, but we don't care about that. I clumsily grab Emily's hand, and
we stare at the moon.
There's no real reason for any of
this, but like I said, the world has been distilled. Love has been
distilled. Everything is easy now. Yesterday my leg broke off, and I don't
This story was the seed for a full-length novel
called WARM BODIES which is now being published in 16 languages and made
into a film by Summit Entertainment. Hooray!
WARM BODIES is available now in the UK. It comes out
March 8th, 2011 in the US, and can
be pre-ordered now on Amazon.