My heart is pounding. I step into the air-conditioned interior of the store and pause, bracing myself, then grab a shopping basket and go. I'm ready. I'm ready and this time it's really going to happen.

I surreptitiously glance over at the checkout as I walk by, and my heart drops. She's not there. I walk by again, slower, double-checking each row, but she's nowhere to be seen.

I feel my adrenaline go sour in my veins, I feel weak and trembly and hollow. I finish my shopping, pay for it, and carry the bags to my car all by myself. As I step out the doors, I see movement out of the corner of my eye, and I glance to my left. I freeze and miss a step.

She's right there in her bright red and blue Safeway uniform, loading carts into the cart storage area. For a long moment that's actually only about half a second, I consider saying something to her, but the moment is all wrong, it would be awkward...I'll just wait until the next time I come back.

I get in my car. I drive past the main entrance just as she's walking back inside, and she glances my way. She doesn't see me through the windows. We don't make eye contact. I drive off, and the next time I come back, she isn't there.